WARNING AND DISCLAIMER: The following application was designed to bring tears to the eyes of other drywall contractors from laughing hysterically. If you have been in the construction business any length of time, do NOT read this alone unless your Doctor and/or Cardiologist is with you and your next of kin is close so that they can be notified. Bare in mind that THE TRUTH HURTS!

                                                                           

 PHIL SANSONE DRYWALL

Drywaller Job Application
                                                

Name of your favorite Beer: _________________________________________________________

Amount of Beer consumed per day.    Circle one:    2-5 Twelve packs….. 6-10 Twelve Packs….. 1-3 Kegs….. 4-6 Kegs

Your name (if known): ____________________________________________________________

     Last weeks Alias: __________________________________

     This weeks Alias: __________________________________

     Planet of birth:__________________________________

 Which tavern’s parking lot do you reside at this week: ______________________________________

     Tavern’s Address: __________________________________

Name of your current wife (if known): ________________________________________

     Name of your second wife (if known): ________________________________________

     Name of your third wife (if known): ________________________________________

     *Use the back of this form for additional wives names (if known)

How many times in the past month have you moved back in with your mother?    Circle One:    10-20………. 21-40….. Is a zillion a number?

When is your phone scheduled to be disconnected? __________________________________

Number of cars you use to get to work that don’t run?    Circle One:     2-5………. 6-10 ….. 11+

Number of Grandmothers that have died this month preventing you from working.    Circle One:        8 ………. 12 ….. 30+

Reason you can’t receive a check and need to be paid in cash.    Circle one:     Ex-Wife……………….. 2nd Ex-Wife…………… 3rd Ex-wife ………. 4-15th Ex Wives ….. IRS….. Indiana Wants me

Latest corrections facility you spent time at:________________________________________________

      Reason for incarceration.    Circle one:          DWI …………… DWI ………. DWI ….. Unknown

Number of packs of cigarettes smoked a day.   Circle One:        2-5 ………. 6-10 ….. 11+

Number of times you’ve been fired this week.    Circle One:     2-5 ………. 6-10 ….. 11+

     Reason for being fired.   Circle one: Came in drunk ………. Came in drunk….. In Jail

Name of your last employer (if known): __________________________________

    Number of days you showed up to work with them.   Circle one:     3 ……………….. 2 …………… 1 ………. Never Showed

    Number of days you plan to work with us.   Circle one:    3 ….. 2 ………. 1….. The usual 3 hours

Position you are applying for.      Owner ………. Beer Sampler ….. Drug Rehab Student

How would you like to get paid?    Circle one:     Beer …………… Drugs ………. Beer AND Drugs ….. Future Bail Money

How many times have you been bankrupt in the past 7 years?   Circle One:     2-5 ……………………. 6-10 ……………….. 11+

How many years since you’ve paid income taxes?  Circle one:     2-5 …………… 6-10 ………. 11+ ….. Paid WHAT?

Thank you for applying to Phil Sansone Drywall.

We are an Equal Opportunity Employer equally rejecting Non-Sober and Sober Challenged Drywallers alike.

Your application will be kept on file for 3 days maximum or your next DWI, which ever occurs first.

In the unlikely event we have an interest in you, we will contact the Tavern listed above no later than the year 2050.

We require drug testing for all applicants which is French for: “Please don’t litter as you throw this application out”.